Tuesday, 15 January 2008

Lorenzo's on a Diet



The other day I optimistacally hopped onto the scales. I started quietly weeping. "Pull yourself together you stupid old bat" I said severely.

Well all this extra weight that seems to have crept on uninvited during the last year accounts for the fact that my running is more like shuffling, than striding out over the hills with gay abandon. In fact one friend said to me recently, and I quote "I've seen trees moving faster than you do".

There's nothing for it. Drop calorie intake, increase calorie expenditure. Off to the library and get out some books. Mmmm .. this looks interesting



Patrick Holford's Low GI Diet. I'll get that out. Bloody Hell! You need a PhD in Chemistry to understand this. I'll look at the recipes. Huh. They don't look very interesting, but I take his point and I'll try to work out my own. See what that old McKeith woman has to say.



Don'tcha just hate her? Why then do I buy her books and avidly watch all her telly programmes? Maybe Carol will have a thing to two to say. Or perhaps a Juice Diet?



At this very moment I am drinking a beetroot, apple, carrot and ginger juice. The Juice Lady says it is very good for me. Trouble is, I'm going riding in an hour and I don't like the thought of it slurping around inside me while Peppermint is running.

So, on with the pedometer for the 10,000 steps a day. Up the yoga. Up the running. Up the cycling. Hope I won't be too tired to blog.

83 comments:

Thesaurus Rex said...

Who's that parrot with a carrot?

Thesaurus Rex said...

Lorro, please change the time of your p.c. to G.M.T. The alleged time of these comments seems to suggest that I'm up early, which is bad for my dole-boy image.

lorenzothellama said...

I think you might be referring to Doctor Gillian McKeith, the Scottish dragonlady who examines peoples' poo and shouts at them if they disobey her.
I would change my time to GMT if I knew how to.
Lorenzo.

tut-tut said...

What about asking for a line of low-cal stuff down at the deli?? Perhaps you can organize sprint races, then down some weight-reducing snacks.

Magdalene said...

Getting older is shit isn't it. Although I'm well within the acceptable BMI limits, I've still managed to put on half a stone on the last few months. I've got my personal instrument of torture out (No, not him,)and I'm attempting to get some good cardio vascular excercise going each day. Pah! I know how long this will last, and there are limits to how much grass and minnows a woman can eat...:-/

lorenzothellama said...

Try lentils. Whoops, I can smell them burning on the stove.
L.

Thesaurus Rex said...

My dear wolly beast. Go to dashboard, click on settings thingy in middle, click on formatting thingy on near top, look for time zone heading at left side of page, click on little triangular arrow which drops a down a box of options. Choose G.M.T. LONDON. Bob's your butch auntie.

Thesaurus Rex said...

Er, obviously I meant woolly.

Maalie said...

Don't take any notice of those books, they are just gimmicks. The answer is deceptively easy: smaller portions at mealtimes and a little more exercise between them. No snacking. And remember alcohol contains a lot of calories (or kilo-joules as we should say now) that don't actually contribute towards your nutrition.

lorenzothellama said...

Thank you Maalie I will remember that. Those books are fun to read though and highly addictive. I'm a real sucker for a detox or a McKeith.
Off to try Rex's tip on changing time.
L.

The Lone Beader said...

Diets are overrated and life is short. Eat what you want when you want it. :D

Maalie said...

> Diets are overrated and life is short. Eat what you want when you want it.

Lone Beader: I take your point, but only up to a point. If life is short, you should want to prolong it. There is now considerable evidence that obesity (along with too much cholesterol, salt, smoking, salt, blah blah blah) can shorten life so one might as well take what steps one can to prolong it.

lorenzothellama said...

I don't see much evidence of Maalie practicing what he preaches re diet! bacon, meat, squirty cream, pies, cake etc. etc. etc.!

Lorenzo.

Maalie said...

All in moderation. I also get a great deal of exercise from my cycling and fieldwork so it's all burned off.

Martin Stickland said...

Who is this Gay abandon you have been running with and that juice sounds fruititastic, make us up a batch a pipe some down to this poor parched old soul please.?

Raelha said...

We have a new vegetable plot that needs digging if you want extra exercise - and I have the Vorderman book here for your resading pleasure (a present, I didn't buy it).

BondBloke said...

Good luck with the diet; I agree with maalie when she says "The answer is deceptively easy: smaller portions at mealtimes and a little more exercise between them.", however I would also add remove the majority of fat from your diet. It worked to get me from 18 stone down to just over 12...

Magdalene said...

A dear old friend of mine in the USA, overweight and unhealthy naturally, once defined cholesterol as 'the stuff in food that makes it tastes good!' :-) I do hope he's still alive...

lorenzothellama said...

The aunty of a friend of mine has been known to say, in her broad Stockport accent:

I don't believe in cholesterol.

L.

Raelha said...

Lorenzo, a stone is nothing, especially after Xmas, and will be gone in a couple of months. I´m sure you´re too active to maintain that weight for long. I´m probably more than that overweight (tho´I never weigh myself, I just go by how my clothes feel) I like my cheese too much to be thin.

My boss recently went to a dietician and came back with some handy hints - the best of which was litle or no carbohydrates for dinner, as all the energy in it gets stored as fat that late in the day as you tend to just slob on the sofa after and then go to bed.

Maalie said...

> the energy in it gets stored as fat that late in the day as you tend to just slob on the sofa after and then go to bed.

Then a 5-mile jog before breakfast the next morning should sort things out ;-)

lorenzothellama said...

It doesn't work like that. Metabalism changes during sleep and food that is eaten during the evening gets stored as fat. You need the five mile run before bed.

Lorenzo.

Anonymous said...

Drinking fruit juices makes it very convenient for your body to get effordlessly a sugar high. Eating the whole fruit at least makes it work harder and provides some fiber too.
I'm with Maalie, eating in moderation, and I believe in exercise. Hanging around for almost two weeks now with my stupid bronchitis, is slowly driving me nuts for lack of exercise. I get grumpy if I don't move.

Merisi said...

Don't know I did it, but the anon was me. :-)

Seattle Boy said...

When we are at sea our typical breakfast would be a large rump steak with four fried eggs. And then a pancake or two and some waffles with honey.

Clara said...

Crikey, Seattle Boy, how do you put all that away? I'm lucky if I have time to grab a coffee and two fags in the morning before my dance classes!

lorenzothellama said...

Clara, a girl after my own heart!

Seatle Boy. You are contributing to the obesity problem in the US. Try tofu for breakfast. If you gently steam it with cabbage and cottage cheese, you will find it delicious.

Lorenzo.

Halfmom, AKA, Susan said...

Tofu, cabbage and cottage cheese - at the same time? YUCK!

Now you are actually in my area of scientific expertise (effect of nutrition on brain function), and yet I have been scooped by the advise of the other scientist. Maalie is correct, smaller portions and more exercise - and watch the alcohol. Most people don't realize that it has almost twice the caloric value per gram than protein or carbohydrate, with no nutritive value. It tends to go straight to belly fat too – so you can’t sit on it to hide it as you can chocolate!

As to being banned – NEVER!! I’m just putting a bit in your mouth to slow you a bit until I catch up!

Halfmom, AKA, Susan said...

Oh no, he may be dogmatic (in a good sense, as he is presenting his dogma and standing by it) but he is not a "banner" at all. I am sure you would be quite welcomed at his blog as well. He writes very interesting and encouraging posts, but I will warn you, they are a bit long to get through sometimes for me.

Cross with you? Never let it be said! Of course I'm not cross, just a slower thinker than the rest of you so I need more time to think through things to decide how to respond.

Now, what are you doing for protein - strictly vegetarian or vegan?

Magdalene said...

I'm being so good and restrained hre. I'm far too opinionated on the subject of nutrition to risk joining in. I'll just stay out of it and carry on with my fish and green things. Oh and that rather nice pinot Noir....

Halfmom, AKA, Susan said...

How very strange - I can't find anything on either your blog or Maalie's from the banning person, whoever he is - nor on mine - there's only you, me, Maalie, Even So (JD who is smiling in his photo), and someone named Don Sands (who has an armload of grandchildren) - and one brief comment from Every Square Inch, who has no photo at all.

How very rude and uncalled for that anyone should think they can say what is, or is not, allowed on my blog!

Your diet sounds very healthy!

Ju's little sister said...

My Dad gets up in the morning and cooks himself bacon, eggs, sausages and mushrooms for breakfast. He has a non-stick frying pan, but insists on using plenty of butter. When he is done cooking he turns the element off and pushes the pan to the back of the stove.

For lunch, mum turns the element on and puts the pan back. There is enough left over butter and bacon fat to easily fry the potatoes our family have for our midday meal.

Despite this diet, Dad is skinny and has a below average level of cholestrol.
Why? He burns it off. As a farmer he is doing heavy labour almost all day, and almost every day.

Llama, did you know that bed-golf burns similar calories to running?

Maalie said...

Hi JLS, great to see you around! Yes, I agree with you about the burning up. We used to have frogmen in my expeditions and they knew exactly how much they burned up by swimming in near freezing water for an hour and had to eat extra food to compensate. I had to admit the description of your dad's breakfast had me salivating over my keyboard...excuse me while I get a tissue..... That's better.

Halfmom it was on Bluecollar that we have been banned, though we have come back again. I suppose I feel a bit runcible being provocative like that. I am prepared to discuss the interpretation of, significance and relevance of evidence until Kingdom Come, but I confess to having little patience with those that deny the evidence.

lorenzothellama said...

Being banned:
Maalie and I have been banned from Bluecollar's blog. This is what happened.

Maalie made a comment about coveting his neighbour's wife's ass. (This comment was in context with the subject of repentence).

Lorenzo chipped in saying it wasn't wrong to covet your neighbour's wife's ass, it was only wrong if you did anything about it. Desires were natural. It was actions that counted.

Lorenzo then went on to say that she had been taught that adultery wasn't wrong if you didn't enjoy it.

OK, that was a bit naughty, especially as it was a Calvinist blog, but you have to lighten up sometimes.

These are the comments we got banned for.

Lorenzo.

Maalie said...

Post Script to JLS: Yes, I agree that bed-golf has a high rate of calorie consumption, but normally doesn't last as long as a good run.

Total calories burned = rate of consumption x time

Ju's little sister said...

Maalie, I agree - time x effort for both the running and the bedroom activities.

LtL, I can't see the comments you were banned for - but I'm fascinated!

PS, there's a couple of pictures for both of you on my blog and I hope Plumpy's video is now working.

Scaredy Cat said...

What's bed golf?

Clara said...

I prefer bed tiddlywinks.

Father Ann said...

Have just been in the deli with L. and she looked pretty damn good to me. Tall, slim, healthy and pretty. So I hope no one is feeling too sorry for her!!

If I had my way, L. would be reading a book called 'how to ram more cream cakes down your gullet and stop making your friends envy you'. A few spots wouldnt go amiss either.

Did you know, that if you put on an extra pound of fat, that means that you have eaten around 3500 calories that was not needed (unless you are underweight).

That means that I have eaten at least 10,500 calories, over the last few weeks that havnt been needed!! That will take about 52 hours of walking(moderately quickly) to burn off - I'd better start now, it's getting dark - see you a week next tuesday. x

lorenzothellama said...

Father Annie,
I think Maalie recommended bed golf.
LtL

Seattle Boy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maalie said...

Sorry, my deletion, ghastly typo, you know what a perfectionist I am.

Actually it was Ju's Little Sister who suggested the golf.

Magdalene said...

Banned from a blogsite you LLamaBirdie folks? Mega kudos!! (A little conversational sidetrack from The Metaplane.)

Merisi said...

Dear Lorenzo,
probably not "diet" food, but veeeeery tasty, and healthy too, this
SAFFRON YOGURT WITH SPICY HONEY AND PUFFED QUINOA.
Warning:
Addictive!
I am making it every time I feel I need something sweet. I do leave out the cereal, but like to add some orange pieces.

Martin Stickland said...

Hello fatty!

Ooops! (think before I speak!)

Only joking, you look nice and slim to me.

I made a comment here the other day, did you remove it? It was not rude I promise.

Have a nice weekend!!!!

lorenzothellama said...

Martin I would NEVER remove one of your comments. There might be other things of yours I'd remove, but never your comments!

Thanks for the recipe Merisi. It looks delicious and I'll risk becoming addicted.

Metamatician said...

I don't get it. Where does the Cointreau fit into this diet?

Maalie said...

Just to let you know that today I have done six hours of relentless fieldwork supported only by a bowl of thin gruel, fortified with an oxo cube. I reckon I'm burning up those Yuletide calories.

jazzycat said...

Loren,
You said the following at another blog.............
I agree with Maalie about that dangerous president, who persuaded our own Mr Blair to follow his deluded way to war.

I am curious about something. Do you see any danger or threat from Islamic Jihadists who are committed to killing innocent people worldwide?

Raelha said...

Meta, I suspect Cointrau doesn't have to 'fit into' Lorenzo's diet, it may form the very base of it, along along with the Bailey's and gin.

Ex-Shammickite said...

Lorenzo... have another cream cake.

Maalie said...

Jazzycat, I believe Lorenzo is sobering up from a night on the Bourbon. As for me, well Mark warned me on your blog that I might die last night so I'm afraid I decided to make the most of it and I'm just back from the brothel. Wow! What a night!

If I may make so bold to reply until she is sober, I should like to say that there is no point in countering violence with violence. Fighting God against God. The problem lies not so much with the terrorists but with the thousands of innocent citizens that have also died: that which, I believe, you Yanks so sweetly call "collateral".

jazzycat said...

Loren,
To answer your question from my blog.

The war was justified because Saddam Hussein did not disarm and did not comply with UN sanctions. George Bush warned him that unless he did this there would be serious consequences. We all know how impotent, worthless and corrupt the the UN is, so it was left for the US, England, and other countries to step up to the plate. I think 9/11 got our attention and we are not going to allow threats to go unchallenged.

Biblically speaking I believe the requirements of Romans 13 for a just war were met.

It is a fact that Saddam had WMD's and used WMD's, so even if they were not found, he could have always made more on a very short notice.

lorenzothellama said...

Jazzy: I don't want to discuss this on my blog. It is irrelevant to the subject of me being a fatso. I'll come over to your post to continue this discussion.

Lorenzo.

Magdalene said...

Hooray for the lovely, down to earth, balanced and Cointreau quaffing fatties of the world. Without them we'd be forced to listen day and night to unbelievably dangerous, extremist views which continue to perpetuate human separation and violence.

This Chardonnay is pretty good Lorenzo and will no doubt efficiently wash away not only my many sins but hopefully the pizza as well. Well....maybe not.:-)

Anonymous said...

Oooh - get you Lorenzo! Suddenly we're going all 'relevant' to the discussion.

But where would J-Cat be relevant? On a blog concerning civilisation or civilised behaviour? On a blog concerning kindness, altruism, humanity? How about a blog to do with building bridges between nations and cultures?

Exactly, sadly, he is not relevant anywhere except on a posting about excess blubber, pointless use of energy and the placing of weight where it should not be.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
God said...

Ah, now I think it's time to set the record straight here. I may be omniscient, but technically I'm not a Christian, so what do I know, except everything? I'm sure most will have to concur that everything is a GREAT DEAL more than ALL of the Christians PUT TOGETHER, no matter how hard they pray, or how many pants knees they go through in a well meaning bid to get into my scented garden. Oops, sorry if that sounded a bit Islamic, but since the lilies had such a good year this year it smells like a tart's boudoir in high summer up here. Anyway, much of the text in The Bible Part 2, ( sub title J.C. and the Sychophants) and it's stunning sequel, The Q'uran (where The Big J. went wrong) is much the same effectively. It's just a question of translating the same basic message across different languages and cultures without those power crazy types getting involved. Sadly, they always seem to, but that's another long story, to which I know the end but can't tell mankind because it'll freak seven shades of brown stuff out of every last one of you. Suffice to say, it probably reads better in the books.
Anyhow, stop all the bickering because I've heard all the arguments a billion times over and quite frankly it's beginning to tire Me.
As I've said to my mate and sworn enemy Beelzebub many times over a couple of beers, I wish it had all just petered out after that strange business on Day Six with Adam. Ungrateful pig he turned out to be. Should've quit while I was ahead maybe. I might have known making another one with interconnecting bits would lead to a whole lot of begetting. And then there's the language, beget this, beget that, beget You God, You mother-begetter. Oh.. is that the door? Sorry, St Pete's day off. Must go get it in case it's somebody righteous. Hah! Fat chance. Anyhow toodle-pip and watch out for those nasty old thunderbolts WHOEVER YOU ARE!!

God said...

Oh for My sake! I hate computers. Still, I am getting on a bit so the odd repeat is forgivable isn't it? If it wasn't for you lot keep blaspheming it day in day out, I'd forget my own name all the time.

lorenzothellama said...

I deleted the extra one for you!
Lorenzo.

lorenzothellama said...

Yeah, get me!

I replied to J.Cat's question on her own blog but my views seem to have been deleted.

L.

Anonymous said...

Night Night God. See you soon for a snort in the deli.

Viking Warrior said...

Snort? .... now you're talking.

lorenzothellama said...

Just been back to Jazzycat's blog and I answer back about Bush and Blair was DELETED. How's that for blinkered vision?
Lorenzo the Indignant Llama

Kiwi Nomad 2006 said...

Well I have just been out walking for just under six hours in the heat of the day. So I felt fully justified in eating one peanut slab and two choccie biscuits. And a small choccie bar now I am home;-)

Lorenzo dear..... if you are going to go dillydallying on extreme fundy blogs, and have me follow you there to see what you have been up to, you owe me another choccie bar to make up for the shock-horror I had to endure at that blogsite!

Metamatician said...

65 comments already Lorenzo? That beats anything I've posted in three years by at least 35. You must be all that AND a bag of crisps, in your own llamallian way.

Isadora said...

Best of luck to you! I think we are (well, most of us except maybe Carol) are in the same boat. All this and the dark of January? Not fair.

Raelha said...

Meta, this is nothing, she made it to over 100 at least once.

V-word: fffgisb

Kiwi Nomad 2006 said...

Sounds like you need to stay away from the Jazzy blog if you are not going to be driven to drink: drink won't help the diet after all!

simon said...

I find as I get older its harder to get those pounds off.
I have incresed the klms on the bike, and am watching the food more.

I agree with Merisi re the fruit drinks.. they are not much better than a cola soft drink for that sugar hit..

lorenzothellama said...

Yes Simon, but at least they've got loads of vits. and enzymes in them, and if you have them with a low GI food then you don't get the sugar rush.
Love Lorenzo.

lorenzothellama said...

twice actually, Raelha!
L.

Halfmom, AKA, Susan said...

eat the whole fruit or veggie and stay away from the juice - you loose the fiber and gain too many calories

I see you've been wrecking havoc about - I found the comments quite interesting over there on the bluecollar and have left a rather lengthy one myself - it will be interesting to see if it gets answered/addressed

Ugh - I so wish that this weekend could go on for at least another 2 days - it was bloody below 0F last night - at -10F. I want sunshine and WARMTH!

Kiwi Nomad 2006 said...

You certainly have been busy, helping the fundamentalists to feel their necessary righteousness! I felt obliged to correct an element of geographical inexactitude...they described a convert to UU as coming from NZ... I am sure they meant clara who is definitely from Oz. I had to tell them of the three hour flight across the Tasman. I wonder if I will be banned for my temerity.

Metamatician said...

Losing weight is a function of physics. If you take in more than you use, you will gain weight. The reverse is true as well. It comes down to 2nd law of thermodynamics, and any diet that purports to have a way around this (eat all you want and take two "fat burning" pills!) is just lying.

Yes, there are nuances in the way out body processes and eliminates food, and I'm not talking about nutrition at all, which is of course very important, just weight (mass actually). Stop snacking, eating sweet, and drinking booze and cola, get moderate exercise, and you'll be fine.

And lastly, dietary fat (like the kind around your steak) is no different from other sources of calories when it comes to how much fat you'll put on. It's all broken down, and fat, protein, and carbohydrates are all the same when it comes to the great Calorie (kcal for scientists) pool. They get thrown into the machine, tallied up, what you use to fuel your daily activities is taken out, and the rest is turned into stored body fat. The source of the original calories is really of little importance.

*Gets ready for a storm of contrarians*

Raelha said...

Oops, sorry Lorenzo. Looks like you're heading for a third anyway.

lorenzothellama said...

Yeah, yeah I know Meta!
I don't eat steak because it is dead animal, not because of the fat!
As you well know you little sod, there is good and bad fat, so it does bloody matter what sort of fat you eat. So there!

I never touch cola, the filthy stuff. I have only imbibed three times this year, and the last time twas becase Peter beguileth me and I was beguiled!

Lorenzo.

Kiwi Nomad 2006 said...

Since it is so hot and humid here and I can't sleep (violins please) I will add a comment towards the 100. I always think I am doing quite well to get to 7 or so! Before I leave on my next trip I think I need to personally edjumucate my friends and family about how to make blog comments so I don't feel all alone in the big wide world. Maybe then one day I will even reach double figures!

Magdalene said...

Meta is generally right about the diet stuff, because he's a right smarty pants. But I agree with Lorenzo regarding fat. Give me a ocuple of tablespoons of cold pressed extra virgin olive oil everyday please, and leave out the coagulated lard. Blech!

Rob Hopcott said...

Hi Lorenzo

Avoid the lovemaking - take my advice.

My wife says she loves me so much that she gives me really big portions but I put on half a stone over Christmas.

I say her large portions will give me a heart attack.

Maybe she's out-thought me on this!

Maybe she's actually planning for a new year husband replacement!

That's it ... Nil by mouth :-)

Metamatician said...

Regarding bad and and not-as-bad fat: Yes, of course there is a difference, in terms of coronary health. I'm talking simply of weight loss, where it makes no difference.

You can be smack in the middle of your BMI chart and have a coronary. Don't confuse the issues :P

Congrats on not eating animals. Animals are our friends. Now just try convincing Scaredy.

Kiwi Nomad 2006 said...

81 just ain't quite the same as 100. Brilliant as your orchestra tale was, I think you were too quick off the mark and you have stalled here on 81.
I will at least help you on to 82.
At Sir Ed's funeral today we heard that the Sherpa name for him means "a man with a big heart". Do you think they meant pump? Or something else?

Metamatician said...

I'll give you comment 83 by returning full circle to the original post and jusy say "my god, what is that woman doing to that carrot?!?"