Friday, 28 March 2008

How to keep your husband healthy

Spurred on by Magdalene, I will now give you my recipe for chip pie together with my general philosophy on how to have a healthy husband.

CHIP PIE
First of all you go to Netto and buy a packet of pastry which you proceed to roll out.



Then it's a quick nip out to the Strawberry Pig to buy some chips.



Come back home and place the chips within the pastry. Turn it into a pasty shape and crimp up prettily. Cook.



While this is cooking, put some cabbage on to boil. Make sure this is boiled for at least one hour. It needs to be very soft and tender.



Look in the cupboard for a tin of spam. Open and cut up artistically.



Arrange pie, cabbage and spam on plate. Cover with sauce.



Serve sitting in front of the television, preferably while Eastenders is on. Supply at least ten cans of lager. No Glass. Straight from the tin.



Make sure there is plenty of nice sliced white bread to mop up the sauce and any fat that oozed out of the chips and pastry.




For pudding serve a doughnut.



And to round the evening off nicely, a few fags.



I'm a great believer in healthy living, so as soon as the meal is eaten, the lager drunk and the fags smoked, a good hard game of Squash is advised. Follow my regime and you too can have a healthy husband.

28 comments:

Maalie said...

So where does the Viagra come in?

lorenzothellama said...

With a diet like this Maalie, you will never need viagra.

CrazyCath said...

Never mind the husband.
That recipe is for ME!

Martin Stickland said...

No wonder they call you a Llama, you must have guts of iron to eat this but I'm game, chuck us a pie then me old fruit cake!

have a good weekend!

Father Ann said...

I've been feeding my husband chip pies for 18 years. But every morning he wakes up, still alive, God love him.

NaNcY said...

you and your healthy hubby have a good weekend! my man is still playing around in new zealand so he will have to eat meat pies by himself.

Magdalene said...

Hahahah! Brilliant! My favourite post so far. Well done that Llama.

The Lone Beader said...

Hahaha! I don't think I've ever eaten Spam in my life. At least, not to my knowledge. LOL!

tut-tut said...

Just thinking about this combo is, well . . . I think the Spam (computer mouse??) says it all.

Rob Hopcott said...

Mmmm, the thought of being squashed by a loving Llama ...

Oooh, I've proper gone all weak ...

Quick, throw me a chip pie before I pass out in ecstasy :-)

The Lone Beader said...

Lorenzo! After you advised me against eating Spam, I went to the market for food. I happened to notice re-issued nostalgic Spam!!! Except it was not in a can. It was one flat piece single serve in a vaccuum-packed bag (I've seen tuna and salmon packaged like this as well.) The ingredients included pork and mechanically- seperated chicken. As appetizing as that sounds, I did not purchase it. LOL!

Kiwi Nomad 2008 said...

nancy... your husband can't possibly be playing around in New Zealand. We are all very serious here, all the time. No fun and all work!
Lorenzo. Hehe. It might have taken you a while to post again.... but this is so absolutely gross it quite takes the cake!!!

Ju's little sister said...

NaNcY, in New Zealand - ALL pies are meat pies! (so we just call them pies.)

I like your styles Lorenzy and have missed reading your posts. So sorry to have missed Mrs Doyle too, she was a trooper!

Plumpy says hello to you all but he's fast asleep on my lap so I won't wake him. xx

Rob Hopcott said...

For your sterling work to the catering industry, husbands and Cafe Hopcott, I hereby award you a special mention as 'Supporting Staff' at Cafe Hopcott.

Should you feel this description inadequately reflects your unstinting contribution to our wellbeing or your hug remuneration is inadequate ... Er, join the queue :-)

Magdalene said...

Yes, good idea. We could put Lorenzo's chip pies on the menu when I ned a day off.

Ex-Shammickite said...

You can get HP CURRY flavour in England now???? CURRY???? Yummy.
I'll be over to get some tomorrow.
Meet me at the airport.
Any airport will do as long as it's not Heathrow T5.
I agree with Kiwi, this post takes the cake.
(thinks) I wonder what cake tastes like with HP CURRY sauce......?

simon said...

looks GREAT!!! :o)

Halfmom, AKA, Susan said...

1) you totally crack me up with laughter
2) do you think it would be proper to find myself a husband first before I spoiled him in this extravagent way?

Rob Hopcott said...

Nay, Halfmum, just borrow someone else's!

We all perk up well with an appropriate dollop of TLC :-)

Maalie said...

>We all perk up well with an appropriate dollop of TLC :-)

Can you send some my way?

Rob Hopcott said...

I said it first :-)

Merisi said...

On average, how many years do your husbands last? ;-)
P.S.:
I would suggest a stronger dose of alcohol, Absynth comes to mind.

Futuristics said...

NICE Blog :)

Frances said...

Yay - nice one. And for the even busier, but thoughtful wife there is the shortcut of a plateful of chip butties. Guaranteed to bring a smile to the face of any spouse.

The Lone Beader said...

You've been tagged!

SIX WORD MEMOIR:
Here are the rules:
1) Write your own six word memoir.
2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4) Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5) Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.
6) Have fun!!

Thesaurus Rex said...

So, isn't that how we're supposed to eat?

Ted M. Gossard said...

Wow. What's the secret over there? I hear the French keep healthy with their consistent intake of wine, in spite of all the goodies they eat. I try to drink my share. I could do better on the lager, though. Makes me thirsty just to type this!

Barbara said...

Salads for the rest of the month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!