Monday, 22 October 2007

Off to Scotland

Tomorrow (Tuesday) afternoon I am off to Scotland. I have sorted out the train time tables and eventually get to Prestwick about 9.00 pm where I am staying over-night with my friend Wils.

Next day we drive to somewhere or other, catch the ferry to Arran, catch a bus across the island to Lamlash and there pick up the little boat to Holy Island.

This is of course, assuming the weather is ok and not blowing. The same thing applies when we return from Holy Island. We may not be able to get off. Oh dear, sob, sob said she sarcastically. The island is owned by the Buddhists and Wils and I are going to do a bit of clearing up at the Centre before the winter sets in. Wils assures me we will have 'fun'. Hmmm.

This is Wils.

And this is Lama Yeshe, the boss who sort of owns the place.

N.B. That is Lama as in Lama and not Llama as in Llama.


Martin Stickland said...

Hoots mon A' kini wish ya a merry treeeep ya kanie lass!

You did not know I spoke Scottish did you!

Have a rather groovy and nice trip man (oh, sorry, I mean woman)


Kiwi Nomad 2006 said...

Exciting trip... you don't need any more excuse for another wee trip than maalie does it would seem....
I notice he hasn't eaten any humble pie on his blog after recent events. But maybe you can't if you are going to a Buddhist place. You're excused!

PS Are you sure it is safe to leave your comment boxes alone for an indeterminate period... what with the Martins that populate such places?

Ju's little sister said...

Oohhhh Kiwi N has a point Lorenzo! Have fun! Martin and I will keep the place alive for you while you're away :-)

How do you say "I thought I had six green eggs but all I found was this knitting needle" in Scottish?

lorenzothellama said...

I don't speak Scottish. Yet. Wils has a lovely Scottish lilt, and is also understandable, for a Scot!

Maalie NEVER eats humble pie. Only Chicken, Pheasant and Steak and Kidney pie. None of that horrid meaty stuff on a Buddhist Island.

The animals that are there, horses, sheet, goats etc. are all wild. More of that when I come home.

Please look after my blog site while I'm away. Don't know whether they will let me have a go on their computer. Buddhists can be very possessive, don't you know!

Plumpy: please keep Scaredy happy while I'm away. Peter tends to forget about him unless he wails about. Also Maalie will be here Friday night for a 'man's night out' with Peter. Poor Scaredy. It

Love Lorenzo.

Plumpy said...

Don't worry, I wouldn't dessert my best friend!

Martin Stickland said...

Oh, I forgot to remind you, do not forget to wear your wooly vest.

I hope you are having a breeze!


PS I have told your friend that it is like a ladies coffee morning over at my comments page thanks to you two!

tut-tut said...

Have wonderful time; did you change your photos? I came by yesterday, and there seemed to be one including you, but now it's gone!

Rauf said...

The Lama saved my life once on a trek thru himalays in sikkim region. Not the Llama, i mean one L less.
would you be going to Kyle Llorenzo ?
Hope the weather is fine.
Enoy !
Don't worry Llorenzo, i'll hold an umbrella on your blog when it rains.

Magdalene said...

Who's that lurking in the background behind the Lama? Are you sure that's not his minder? Gosh, hope you're going to the right place Lorenzo, it looks suspiciously like it might be a care home for the anorakically challenged.

And despite your loyal efforts, I no longer have 100% of today's WIP votes as saboteurs have voted for other people. Inconceivable! :-)

Maalie said...

Maalie sees no need to eat humble pie. There is no humility in an honourable defeat to a better side in a cup final. Maalie would like to be reminded of some teams that DIDN'T make it to the final.

Ju's little sister said...


Hey... what's the difference between viagra and and the All Blacks? Viagra gives you at lest a semi... Bah da daaaaaaaaa

Halfmom, AKA, Susan said...

Have a wonderful time retreating and working - I'm not sure which though is most restful - perhaps the working!

I will try to keep an eye on Martin while you are away, but I do not know how successful I will be with the bugger!

Kiwi Nomad 2006 said...

yeah double OUCH OUCH... I fear we have been well and truly put into our places over this one jus;-)

Merisi said...

Off to do a bit of clearing up at the Buddhist Centre!
You may sweep by my place anytime then! :-)))

Raelha said...

Hope this catches you in time to wish you a to wonderful visit to a, well, a very cold place - don't forget the thermals.

We'll all try and keep an eye on Martin for you - if we keep him busy on his blog he may not be be able to cause much havoc here.

I'm reserving judgement on The God Delusion until I've finished the book (although he's preaching to the converted, so to speak) - it may take a little while as my brain's rather fried when I get home from work at the moment (over ten hours spent there yesterday!).

The Lone Beader said...

Have a nice time=:)

Ted M. Gossard said...

It must be nice to live near Scotland. I like kilts, they look so comfortable. It must be quite a sight seeing all the men walking around in kilts. I'll bet that gets rather freaky cold during Winter. But I'd sure like to wear them. I'd wear them everywhere, except to work. Too much grease and I already get banged up over there with jeans on.

Have fun in Scotland.

Plumpy said...

Hey Scaredy, I got the hugest biggest most massive cuddle today from Mum. She's in a good mood because she has spent lots of money and now her music sounds amazing. Well that's what she says. I bet you'll get lots of cuddles when you come home!

Martin Stickland said...

Dear Sirs,

I am writing to complain about the model KG234 upright Hoover that I purchased from you in the summer of 72 for two shillings and sixpence at your garage sale.
My solicitors have asked me to state that you did not at any time tell me that I would need to empty the dust from the bag, the bag is bigger than our font living room now and I cannot take the Hoover out in order to clean my back room (I have tried to put this in to solicitor easy talk because he told me to write 'My sedeth named client in the year of our Lord 2007 has not been able to doth dither and doth which sedeth has not allowed my client to suck and clean out his back passage)

Can you please rectum.. Sorry I mean rectify this problem at the nearest convenience ... sorry I mean at your earliest convenience.

Ivor Biggun

Ju's little sister said...

Dear Mr Biggun.

Thank you for your correspondence. We look forward to hearing from our clients and value your comments.

We have taken the liberty of hiring a private-eye to spy on you and your family, with the result that she discovered your living room is approximately 12inches by 11/1/2 inches by 6 inches. We applied these dimensions to a complicated computer analytics system which calculate that this means your lounge is 828cubic inches in volume.

Our records show that the KG234 Uproght Hoover sold in the Garage Sale of '72 was indeed sold for two shillings and a sixpence, however the dust bag was well in excess of 265,397cubic inches which means the bag does not have to be even a quarter full to outsize your room. Records also show there was a large hole in the dustbag which was why the salesman did not mention emptying said bag.

If you (henceforth the 'client') should like to bring this issue (herefortowith referred to as the 'claim') to court to be presided over by a judge (hereafter Judge Dredd) then we (the Sirras) recommend the client contact their solicitor and forthrightly sayeth unto the solicitor that the client hath not beenith entirely honest, as the dust hath been flying out of the bageth. The Sirrars will be pleased for the client to do so. eth.

On the other hand, Mr Biggun, you could try shoving the bag up your back passage.

Kind regards,
The Sirrars.

Ju's little sister said...

Dear Mr Biggun

As a follow up to your complaint, we would like to inform you the salesmen employed by the Sirrars on the day of the Garage Sale of '72 was employed on a temporary basis. His contract was ripped up when the company discovered he was a horse. He has since been located, taken out the back, and put down.

We hope this provides you with some satisfaction.

Kind Regards,
The Sirrahs.

TCA said...

Damn, you left before I could put in my request for a bottle firewater... You're not a million miles away from Islay.


Anonymous said...

I hope that you have a wonderful time! Please take lots of pictures! Scotland!!!! Wooo I bet that'll be wonderful!!! Keep us posted! *HUGS*

Thesaurus Rex said...

Lorro; Hope you're having a great time where it gets dark very early and rains incessantly, sideways!
Joking aside, I hpe and expect you are, can't wait for the report herein.
JLS and Martin; I tried to readeth your comments above out loudm MY Solicitor has advised me to tell you that you put no warning on the comment, and so when my false teeth shot out somewhat injuriously, it was all your faults.

Thesaurus Rex said...

oops, sorry abut typos.
Word verification letters 'fgotpv'
Very easy to fget pv, they just not very memorable.

simon said...

not into Buddisim meself. But respect those that are..certainly one of the "better" ones kicking around

Martin Stickland said...

Dear 'The Sirrars' or 'The Sirrahs' (signing letters with names spelt rongly will not stand up in a court of law unless of course the letters are made out of 2" think pieces of wood so that they can be stacked and stand up without falling over)

I rest my case me lord, you are nothing but a tin pot company so you will be hearing from my solicitor when he is released from Her Majesty’s Prison a week on Monday.

If I was not so tired then I would spend time writing lots of big words in this reply such as dog and pig and red and cat to confuse you but right now I am off to the land off nod.

Love and big kisses


Ju's little sister said...

Mr Ivor,

The smelling reflects the mood. Oops I meant the spelling mirrors the brood.

Average-to-fair wishes,

The Serras.

Martin Stickland said...

Dear The Serras,

There is nothing clever about leaving bags of poo poo on our front door step.

You will not now be hearing from our solicitor because he has managed to escape Her Majesty’s Prison and is now sunning himself on Costa a lotae beach.

Instead you will be hearing from Mrs. Tarquin-Brown Leader of the local women’s Institute no less!

Pull your socks up or I will be seeing you in court (that’s court number four of our local squash club, you will have a hard time trying to whack my balls!)

Semi Kind regards

Ben Dover (best friend of Ivor Biggun)

PS I wonder if Lorenzybubblebum is fed up with porridge yet?

Raelha said...

Martin, Ben, Ivor, (whatever. whoever, I'm slightly confused) it's impossible to get fed up with porridge when it's cold and wet outside. I've just had some for my breakfast and am feeling all warm and cosy, almost like the Redibrek man.

Magdalene said...

Poor Lorenzo. Just look what a naughty mess you lot have made on her site in her absence. You've got a lot of clearing up to do!

Martin Stickland said...

Hello chaps!

I am just about to make a up of tea, would anybody like one?

Martin Stickland said...

Oh poo, I'm out of sugar

Ju's little sister said...




Ju's little sister said...

I would love a cup of tea Martin, and I don't take sugar (I'm far too sweet already) so put the kettle on!

Lorenzo, I feel thoroughly chastened by Magdalene. Here I was supposed to look after your blog and protect it from Martin. But he's just so much fun!

TCA said...


lorenzothellama said...

Mmmm ... Martin. By summer 1972 we were well into decimalization so I doubt you bought a Hoover Upright for 2/6.

TCA: You are NERVER a million miles from Islay.

JLS. Thank you for taking Martin to court and bribing the judge to put him away for a while.

Rexy: No men in kilts on Holy Island. Buddhist men tend to wear robes. Men in kilts on Arran though. They were blowing very attractively about in the wind. They also had very hairy sporrons.

I will try to get round to blogging tomoz. as somewhat knackered at the moment after just arriving back from Scotty.

Love and hugs Lorenzo.

Magdalene said...

Lorenzo dear, I hope you know a good lawyer. I think the squatters are pretty well established now. Perhaps you'll be able to get back in when Martin goes down the shops for some sugar.

Ju's little sister said...

I thought you and Wils were going to clean the place up!

Now I hear it was just a piss-trip! Shame on you Llama. What did the Lama have to say or did he drink you both under the table???

Plumpy said...

Yay for Scaredy, your Mum's back! Did you have some of her gin?

Thesaurus Rex said...

Yo Lorro, your back. Lets see some snaps then, and I don't mean the sesame variety.
Sleep well.

Raelha said...

Mmm, sesame snaps. I wouldn't mind seeing some - we can't get then here.

Raelha said...

I'm getting worried! Still no sign of piccies from Scotland. Are you still recovering!? I think we need to have words with Wils. Just how much gin did she 'force' down your throat?!

Raelha said...

Lorenzo, you can see your photos as thumbnails - small pictures - insead of codes. Go to the folder where your photos are, then look for an icon at the top that looks like a white folder with small squares on it. Click on the arrow next to it and choose 'thumbnails'. That should let you see which piccies are which.

I also have no idea as to how they process pumpkin seeds - so I just took them out to dry for planting next year.

Ju's little sister said...

still on the gin Llama?

Martin Stickland said...

Are you back? Have you been? Oh where art thou the llama Queen?

Are you still in Scottyland?

Merisi said...

You really want us to write 100 comments before you show us the whole truth about Scotland?