Tuesday, 27 November 2007

Lorenzo in Love

I'm in love. I know I have been in love before (well quite a few times actually) but this time it's for real and I am hoping for a long and happy relationship. He has grey hair, very dark eyes, a bit hairy in places, and he gives a really good ride.
His name is Peppermint.

A few years ago my old friend and running partner JennyTom aka Pallie persuaded me to give riding a go again. I hadn't ridden since a teenager, when being fearless and daring I did anything my school friend Fenella suggested and the result was I became a gibbering wreck and stopped going to play with horses.

I thought Jenny was more mature and sensible than Fenella so we started going to riding lessons. Jenny is a good rider and has even owned her own horse. I was wrong about her being more sensible and mature than Fenella though. One bloke described her as 'riding horses like a motor bike'.

Jenny hurtling about on Oscar.

Over the last few years we have tried different stables and even had a riding holiday in Gran Canaria, but my confidence dwindled and I stopped going. Now Jenny has found yet another place to ride and I have found Peppermint. From the moment I hauled myself onto his back I felt at home.

He is so comfortable to ride. His canter is like sitting in an armchair. I feel confident on him. He is also a stubborn little bugger who tries it on. Yesterday he pretended he wanted to poo. He must have stopped four times and eventually squeezed a tiny little turd out.

'He's taking the piss' the instructor shouted.
'It's poo' I shouted back.

He refused to go into the corners, trot properly, walk out smartly.

'Whack him one' Joy bellowed.
'Arh, poor Peppermint' I murmered lovingly as I flicked him gently on his rump.

'Give it a bit of Yeeeehow' She cried.
'Yeeehooww' I yelled. Peppermint shot forward terrified.

'That's it' said Joy. 'Keep it up'.
'C'mon you great white bastard' I screamed.
'Don't swear at him!' pleaded Joy.

Now I'm like a teenage girl obsessed with horses. I want him. I want to ride him. I love him. Soon we are going to start jumping lessons.

'Pull yourself together' said JennyTom. 'Go and have a cold shower'.


Anonymous said...

Horses? Pah! I reckon you can't beat a good stoat.


The Lone Beader said...

Peppermint is gorgeous!

Martin Stickland said...

I watched a video about this subject once ... but that's another story.

Pwitty gee gee

Have fun sitting astride that beast (sorry I mean pwitty gee gee)


TCA said...

When do you get to ride to the pub?

lorenzothellama said...

Not sure TCA. I suspect that the same rules on alkie intake driving cars applies to driving horses. I'll ask Jenny. She's bound to know.

lorenzothellama said...

Martin: Have you ever sat astride a sweating, throbbing, heaving animal?

Maalie said...

A few nice steaks on that rump, I'll wager. Horse meat is delicious - I had some in France but I've never been able to find a retail outlet here. Tescos don't do it.

lorenzothellama said...

I think Netto do horsemeat in their Armageddon sausages.

Halfmom, AKA, Susan said...

Ahh, yes, nagging - it works so well for those of us motivated by guilt - giggle!

I miss riding A LOT! I miss having my own horses - I miss lots of green grass and few people.

I am ENVIOUS!!!!!

Kiwi Nomad 2006 said...

You know how they say that dogs and owners resemble each other.... well I did wonder if there was a likeness with horses and riders?
If you have a herd of llamas around, won't they be jealous of attention being given to horses?

Tortoiseshell said...

Peppermint looks like the late, great Desert Orchid.

Have you asked Maalie what he really thinks about "Horsey types"...?

No news on small Tortoiseshell yet...

lorenzothellama said...

I can very much imagine what Maalie thinks of 'horsey' types. TCA ditto as I remember on one of his posts he said, and I quote: "they shit all over the path".

I think I have a look of Princess Camilla about me when wearing a riding hat, don't you know?


Ann said...

Martin S - Sadly, most of the men in Poynton have seen the video to which (I think) you refer .This has left them with 'riding-aspirations' way beyond their abilities.

Silly buggers.

Ann said...
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Ann said...
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Ann said...

Oh dear - I have no idea why that came out three times.

Perhaps you could do some editing L?

lorenzothellama said...

Already done it Ann. Were you so excited at the thought of Martins smutty video your fingers trembled and pressed three times!

I don't know what this video is so perhaps you could enlighten me over a strong frothy one at the deli?

Raelha said...

I recognise those stables - I think. I went there for a couple of lessons when I was a wee girl and then got too scared to go back.

Lots of people round here ride there horses. Usually at a wekend and often to the bar and back. So, can you be done for riding whilst under the infuence?

Maalie, they sell horsemeat burgers here. And you can even get a bit of donkey if you know the right people.

Halfmom, AKA, Susan said...

you betcha - but I am envious none the less!

Thesaurus Rex said...

Nice little pony thing. It really should be yours. I expect it would add a certain je ne sais pas to the afternoons at the deli if you were to turn up 'pon a white charger. However, you would be sweating like a proverbial in that 'hat and britches' which would be useful cos otherwise you'd smell of horse shit.

Magdalene said...

Good grief Lorenzo, are you in the midst of a hormonal surge or something? You've been positively rampant for the past 24 hours, and how come Martin is taking the switching of your fickle lust so well?

Maalie said...

Raelha, can you buy them on-line?

lorenzothellama said...

Magdalene: I'm always in the midst of a hormonal surge.

TR: Berky is going to fix a wooden rail thing outside the deli so I can tie my white charger to it.


lorenzothellama said...

Raelha, Those stables are in Nether Alderley, near The Wizard. Are they the same ones that scared you? They are not so scarey now otherwise I wouldn't be there.


david mcmahon said...

We all need a `stable' environment!

Martin Stickland said...


Giddy up you young filly!

Nurse Ann said...

Now then Martin, Matron said we wern't to that anymore didn't she? So put the rocking horse back in the children's ward and go along to the day room.
There's a good chap.

Raelha said...

ou1iseLorenzo, yep, those are the ones. I remember being quite happy until the horse started moving beyond a walk and that was enough for me.

Maalie, I don't think so but if you want a look they're called 'potro' (colt) burgers. I'm sticking to the tofu section tho'.

Merisi said...

@ Maalie:
In Vienna there are Horse Meat Butchers. Some of the hot dog stands advertise special "horse meat sandwiches". Whatever they are, I am not into horse meat. I have tasted it in Southern Italy (where I also got served a chocolate pudding that turned out to be made with blood *blech*). Didn't like it, reminded me of the taste of sweet potatoes, which I prefer.

Kiwi Nomad 2006 said...

I have just got home from a five hour training walk on rural roads, and saw... two people on horses! I took a photo just for you Lorenzo.. and will post it later if it was any good ;-)

Ted M. Gossard said...

That looks like a horse!